You sit up and look about you. You are sitting on a sidewalk beside a busy thoroughfare. The thoroughfare is crammed with slowly moving metal vehicles, similar to the type that Darian recalls seeing on the Highway To Hell. On each side of the road are enormous parking lots filled with more of these vehicles, and beyond them are numerous low, ugly and cheap-looking buildings. Garish signs around each of them say things like 'BURGER THING', 'MCDEATHS', 'CRAPPY TIRE', 'TOYS R HELL', 'HELL MART' and 'SHORT-CIRCUIT CITY'. Overhead, shining down out of a clear blue sky is a sun...or at least that is what you think it is at first. Then, you realise that it is really the disembodied head of a red-haired clown, grinning balefully down upon you. The air is hot and parched, and heavily tainted with hydrocarbons. The robot is there, lying on his back, arms and legs flailing. Tully says, "Oh, I didn't see you there." He goes over and helps him up. "THIS DEFINITELY DOES NOT COMPUTE." "I agree with you, Robot." "Argh," says Vardui, standing up and dusting himself off. "I have heard of this place. We are in the Abyss: on the Plane of Eternal Strip Malls. May the gods have mercy on us!" Tully sighs. "I hope the Steve Jobs is OK. I guess attacking a fort of wishing creatures is a really bad idea. Good lesson to learn." He looks to the rest of the group. "Well, shall we explore this place some? I wonder if there are any Nernal's in the outer planes." Tully says, "Oh, Burger Thing appears to serve food. Let's get something to eat." He heads over. Zanax shakes his head. "Always a bad idea to eat in a hostile environment..." Tully yells back, "They have shakes!" The bard heads across a broad expanse of parking lot. The rest of you reluctantly follow with the robot bringing up the rear. "Are your adventures always this chaotic?" Vardui asks Darian. "I love it, but I'll bet the paladin is having a conniption." "I'm homesick and I'm horny," says the sex-crazed amazon girl, "But mostly I'm horny." "Shut up, woman!" says Wang, poking out and looking about. "I got what I wanted and now I'm not interested in you anymore." Suddenly Tully steps out in front of one of the moving vehicles, which screeches to a stop, just inches away from flattening him. The driver leans out of the open side window. He is a fat, greasy man, with the pearly glow about him that Darian remembers that souls in the outer planes are surrounded by. "Watch where yer goin' you idiot!" the soul says to Tully. "Up yours!" says Wang, giving him the...whatever. Reaching the Burger Thing without further incident, you go inside. The stench of rotting meat and burning grease assails your nostrils. You stand in line behind a family of souls, complete with a baby that seems to be vomiting continuously. After what seems like an eternity but is probably only an eternity, you reach the counter. A board over it lists the menu, which consists of things like Whompers, Double Whompers with Sleaze, TenderGross Seizure Salads and Heart Attack on A Croissan'wich. A man behind the counter glares at you a dirty look. He wears a badge on his polyester tunic which reads 'My Name is Watney - Junior Assistant Manager Trainee'. "What'll you have?" he asks in a bored voice. Tully says, "You know, I have lost my appetite. Sorry." He turns to Vardui. "I am not chaotic...just curious. I like to explore. Who knows what is here? There is technology although I do think we need to get out of here. How about another teleport?" Vardui, however, is looking at the junior assistant manager trainee. "Do I know you?" "I doubt it." "You don't have that glow about you," says the elf. "You're not dead, are you?" The man looks uncomfortable. Tully looks back at the man. "Very interesting. Good catch there, Vardui." He says to the man, "What the heck are you doing here?" "I work here," he says, glancing about uncomfortably. "I DO know you!" Vardui exclaims. "Watney! Cleric of Thor! I used to adventure with you!" He stares at the elf. "Vardui?" "The one and only." Tully says, "How did you end up here and do you want to go with us back to Sandas?" He glances about again. "Get me out of here? But I sinned against Thor! I don't know if I can!" He adds in a low voice, "I inadvertently killed another cleric of Thor." "What's going on here, Watney?" says a new voice, and a vrock demon in a white shirt and tie comes on the scene. His badge reads 'Assistant Associate Vice-Vice President'. "There are customers waiting!" he adds with a nod to the growing line up behind the robot. Then he faces you. "Are you ordering something or what?" Tully says with an irritated tone, "We are trying to decide. Do you mind leaving us alone?" "Well hurry up!" the demon snaps, "You're holding up the line!" "Yeah, make up your mind!" adds Watney. Tully asks in a bored voice while ignoring the demon (and hoping he gets bored and moves on), "What is in the whomper again?" "Two-all-barf-patties-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onions-on-a-sesame-seed-bun," Watney recites. "Do you have a vegetarian option?" "We have a vegetarian burger," says the demon. Tully looks surprised. "Oh, you are still here?" "Of course I'm still here, you idiot! Now place your order or I'll put you on the menu!" Tully says, "Fine, fine. I will take a double whomper combo meal deluxe. Now bugger off!" "You wanna supersize that?" asks Watney. "No thanks," Tully responds. "Is that for here or to go?" "To go. I will wait outside for it. Can you bring it out to me?" "No." With that, Watney goes to assemble Tully's order. "How about the rest of you?" the demon says with a glare. "They don't want anything, birdie." He turns to the group. "Let's go." Once outside, he says, "Vardui, should we rescue Watney and force him to come with us? Even if he killed someone, he doesn't deserve working in a shit hole like that." Vardui thinks. "Rescuing him would be the right thing to do," the elf says after a moment, "But doing the right thing has never been a concern of mine. You'd be better off asking the paladin." Zanax shakes his head, "The gods frown on mortals meddling in their affairs. When his god deems him repentant enough, he will be released." Tully says, "Oh right...that must be why we are here. We have been sent to rescue him...why else would we have ended up here where he is...a man from Sandas?" "Strabath," says Vardui. "Watney was from Strabath. But your point is still valid." Zanax narrows his eyes, "Didn't we get wished here by efreets...or is that efreetis? In any case, we would be doing the bidding of an evil creature." "Nonesense...they probably wished us to hell. The gods power the wishes and a god twisted that one to put us here. Just to save that man. It is clearly divine intervention. How could we not see it sooner?" Zanax sighs. "Fine, fine. How exactly are we planning to get out of here?" "Steal one of those?" grins Vardui, jerking a finger at a 1993 Ford Escort wagon parked nearby. "Can't we just teleport back?" asks Darian. "Can you do teleport without error?" "No, but I presume you can. Do we just need to find someplace where you can rest to relearn the spell?" responds Darian. "Not me," says Vardui. "I can't cast that spell. I'm only a necromancer. You have to be a wizard or something to do teleport without error." "We're screwed!" says Wang. Tully says, "There is always a way. There are gateways and portals. We need a native guide and I think Watney just got elected. Let's wait till his shift is over and then talk with him. He may know where an exit is located." So, you loiter about for hours, watching the Burger Thing and occasionally peering in through the grimy windows. However, Watney shows no sign of leaving, and after awhile you start to realise that here in the abyss, the shifts never end. "Shall we just go in and snatch him?" asks Vardui, getting impatient.
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